


Faint Resemblance

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Han Solo Lives, Lying To Protect Your Feelings, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: When Kylo finds himself unable to kill Han Solo on Starkiller Base, he comes back to the Resistance. Poe doesn’t know that his old friend and old love and the man who tortured him are one and the same.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Kudos: 15
Collections: Darkpilot: Based On Dreams





	Faint Resemblance

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: I wouldn’t have started yet another Han lives fic if not for a dream I had last night. 
> 
> I know I have a Han lives fic on the backburner from earlier this year too, and I’ll get to that.

“I’m being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain." The tears lingered on Kylo’s cheeks like rain. The first signs of vulnerability showing through the cracks. “I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?”

”Yes. Anything.”

Han Solo stepped forward and Kylo could feel the earnestness, the simple belief, in him, that he never thought he’d see again. 

***

There was a moment, Kylo thought, when it felt like the galaxy just stopped, that it was down to the two of them, here on that bridge. This was the hour, Kylo thought — where he could come back home, where he could defy Snoke. Where he could reunite with everyone. 

Including Poe. 

Poe. Even thinking about it, Kylo wondered if it really was that simple, if he could just turn back after everything he’d done. He’d razed a village. He’d tortured Poe (so many images flashing in front of him, so many memories that he had all but yanked out of Poe’s head). He’d...Force, what else had he done, he could not help but wonder. 

If. If. 

_Even you, Master of the Knights of Ren, have never faced such a test..._

He had to make that decision. To be stronger. Stronger. That was the key. _He will immortalize his love..._

And that was where Kylo stopped. 

His father wanted him to come back. His father. Snoke didn’t want him. His parents did. 

It was all that Kylo had wanted, all along. 

“You don’t know what I’ve done,” Kylo said. 

“I have a good idea,” Han said. “I came back from being a smuggler. You can come back from this.”

”That’s...not really a fair comparison.”

”Still,” Han said. “If your grandfather could turn back...so could you.”

“He...died for it.”

”You don’t have to.”

Could he just throw it all away, right there? He had wanted to, when Snoke had ordered him to torture Poe. 

He wanted to. 

The lightsaber shook in his hand, and then, after a while, Kylo let it fall into the abyss. 

Han laughed, clearly surprised. “Well, that’s...one way to do things, kid. I missed you. Your mother did too.”

”I never thought she would.”

***

The ride back to the base was uncomfortable. Kylo could feel it, even as he changed in private. What did he wear, honestly, when he was defecting to the Light? What did he even say? That was the question. 

There were different things he needed to say. To his mother. To his father. To Poe. 

Stars, even the traitor and the scavenger. Imagine that. 

Dark grays. That seemed...sufficient. Probably some sort of symbolism in there too, now that Kylo thought about it. And now...

He couldn’t kill his father. But coming back...he had been so used to Snoke saying that the Resistance were monsters, that they even tortured their prisoners. Would even Poe...

No. Not Poe. 

He’d do it gladly, though, wouldn’t he — after what Kylo had done to him? Ripping into his mind, and pulling out his worst memories like extracting teeth? And all this, all of it — when he could have had the chance to walk away. 

“Hey, kid.”

Han walked in. He looked tired. Drained, actually. Kylo thought back to the bridge, when he had looked like he was about to cry. To cry, of all things. When was the last time that he had seen his father cry? 

Or even come close? 

"Hey.”

”I talked with Rey and Finn,” Han said. 

“You’re on first name basis with them now?” Kylo said wryly. 

Han shrugged. “They’re my friends.”

 _Replacements_ , a nasty part of Kylo thought. Han had just found someone new, hadn’t he? Someone better? 

Then again, why would he come back if he had found someone better?

”And...who am I to you?” Kylo said. 

“Look, kid, whatever Snoke said — he was lying,” Han said. “About all of it. You’re important to us.”

Kylo snorted. “So important that you didn’t even go looking for me when Snoke was hurting me.”

Han’s eyes widened. Then, “What?”

_He doesn’t know, does he?_

“It’s...part of Dark Side training,” Kylo said. “He put me through so much, just in the name of completing my training.”

Han went rigid. Then, “Kid, you’ve gotta believe me that I didn’t know. I don’t have the Force, I didn’t have First Order intel — I didn’t know. Please...I never would have waited this long if I knew."

”There was a lot he did,” Kylo said. “Including dangling me over sharp rocks — ”

”What?!” Han gripped the table. “Where the stang is Snoke? I need to kill that son of a schutta...”

"I don’t think you can if you don’t know where he is,” Kylo said. 

Han slumped down in that moment. “Kriffing hell, kid, I’m sorry. Whatever Snoke told you, he’s lying. I love you, kid. And I’m sure your mother does too."

”Does she?”

Han nodded. “She sent me. Said that there was still Light in you.”

”And you...?”

Han paused. "I thought that I was deluding myself,” Han said. “Your uncle, your mother...I thought they thought I was deluding myself. I was wrong, at least, on the mother front.”

”So she believed in me." 

He ought to tell his father more. He didn’t. His father had gone through enough, really. He didn’t want to relive nearly seeing his father cry on the bridge.

He couldn’t. 

“She did, Ben,” and it took work not to flinch at the name. ”She still does. We both do."

***

They landed on D’Qar. Kylo watched even as the scavenger and the traitor emerged from the Falcon. As Poe seemed...genuinely happy to see the traitor. It was enough to make him feel a sting of jealousy towards the traitor. Kylo was nothing to Poe Dameron. Nothing but the man who had hurt him, extracted secrets from his mind. 

He simply, meant nothing. 

Well, he meant something. Meant something as Poe’s face brightened looking at him. Without the clothes, without the Kylo Ren clothes...

”Poe, don’t go near him,” the traitor warned. “That’s Ren.”

”What?” Poe said. “That’s ridiculous. That’s Ben Solo. He wouldn’t hurt me. I know him.”

 _He wouldn’t hurt me_. 

Did Poe have any idea? Could Kylo just tell him? 

He had to. And yet — Poe was hurting enough. Kylo could feel the cracks shooting through his mind. The anger that threatened to overwhelm the brightness that Kylo knew was always there...

 _He wouldn’t hurt me_. 

How could Kylo tell him that he already had?

***

Poe walked with Kylo, chatting away eagerly with him about what had happened. Including blowing up Starkiller Base. Good riddance to that, Kylo thought. After all, he had never approved of the idea of blowing up planets. (Red comets. A red light, like the beginning of a meteor shower, across the galactic sky...)

”...it was really something,” Poe said. “I don’t know how your dad got past the shields, but he did it..."

”Yeah,” Kylo said. “He did it.” Then, “How are you feeling? I heard you were tortured...”

Heard. That was a good word for the fact that he’d been doing the torturing. 

“Yeah.” Poe looked so tired. So very guilty too; what could he possibly have to feel guilty about? “I’m fine. We can probably talk about this later; you have a meeting with your mom, don’t you?”

Kylo didn’t miss the blazing frustration from the traitor behind him in that moment. 

***

Of all the things, Kylo hadn’t expected to actually see General Organa again, but here she was. 

“Ben,” she said, softly. Kylo took her in, beautiful in a dignified way. Beautiful in the way that people who had seen experience were beautiful. Her hair in braids. Wearing a military uniform. A Resistance uniform. 

Poe squeezed his shoulder. “You two probably have a lot to catch up on,” he said. “I better leave you to it.”

Kylo tensed. It wasn’t like it was an unpleasant touch. Not really. But when was the last time he’d been touched without the promise of physical pain behind it?

Poe smiled at him before leaving. Kylo slumped in one of the chairs, feeling more tired than he had ever been. 

“Right,” Han said. “Leia...did you know about our son being abused by Snoke?”


End file.
